As you know, I Jupiter am a studious wizard. I seek after and study all knowledge (yes even that of dark matters -- for one must know one's enemy). As of recent my studies have focused primarily on the Britanian Police Department. During a recent study of a top secret report filed which detailed the undercover sting operation and recent caputure of Jizzum, I found a shocking revelation regarding ancient powers of thievery.
Deep in the anals of UOSA history is a guild of legendary renown which spread grief and trickery upon all the land (even more so than all that done by leprechauns, sprites, and Loki himself). Led by the notorious Chumbucket (aka Chumbaguette, The Interloafer, Master of Autoclyus, and other aliases so secret that Chum himself doesn't even know of them) the guild cA wrought their havoc upon the land. In studying their historical documents, I learned that this Chumbucket had the an ability to exercise power over the weak minded. By simply saying the words "I R NEW GLD PLZ" he was literally able to relieve thousands of citizens of their valuables which they gave willingly! Further study showed that this vile Chumbucket later expounded on this ability and a religious cult formed. By renouncing their given names, and replacing them with "I R NEW GLD PLZ" they were able to tap into Chumbucket's vast powers of trickery. Yes, I too was astounded to learn about this ability. At first I did not believe this to be more than a parlor trick, however, after witnessing its effectiveness of these words today I can assure you that the power and secret oaths of cA are as capable as they ever were.
Below is the typed form of the verbal report given by the undercover agent and video evidence captured.
"I, Jehosephat* (name hidden for privacy), hereby submit the following account.
By disguising myself as a vagrant on the streets, I was able to obtain sufficient evidence to support reasonable cause for indictments against a certain, Lesayne. He was part of the crime ring run by Jizzum. You will find that I did not take down Lesayne during this encounter because our primary target was Jizzum, and any preemptive action would only send him.. *ahem* deeper into hiding. (it is a common joke among the department about the places where a person named "Jizzum" would hide).
My first encounter with Lesayne resulted in a threat in which he gave me suspicion that he had ties to a thief. See video exihibit A. Due to the nature of the threat I feared my ploy had failed and I would lose this vital link. Knowing the ways of criminals, I knew I had to pose myself as a threat that he would have to deal with. Thus at great risk to myself, I participated in illegal activities and that is when Lesayne offered further confession. (see video exhibits B, C, and D).
Having now shown Lesayne that I was capable of criminal activity, I made a proposal to join forces with him. I gave him my cover story as a money launderer and asked him if he wanted in. In reply Lesayne scoffed at my offer and declined to assist me in my fake criminal endeavor, however, he also further supplied us with information giving us a better idea of the extent of his illegal acquisitions. (see video exhibit E)
As an act of charity, Lesayne proceeds to provide me with some free tutoring on how to become a thief. Apparently, all one has to do is acquire and use the skill "steal" and one is a true thief (exhibit G)
At this point I had acquired all the evidence needed to bring down Jizzum, and I had to 'extract' myself carefully. I begin vomiting and making myself to be a complete bafoon. In my jest I spoke the words "i r new gld plz" to which Lesayne responded almost hypnotically and gave me 500 gold coins.
This concludes my report."
exihibit A - threats and admission of guilt
exihibit B - admissions of guilt
exihibit C - admissions of guilt
exihibit D - admissions of guilt
exhibit E - Lesayne scoffs at a vagrant's "weak" gold and declines my proposal
exhibit F - Lesayne is baited and further admits his ties with the thief.
exhibit G - Lesayne tutors on how to be a thief
exhibit H - Acting stupid to extract myself
exhibit I - Acting stupid again to extract myself
exhibit J - Speaking of the words "i r new gld plz"
exhibit K - results of the words "i r new gld plz"
