chumbucket's Tales of Adventure: Everybody Loves a Clown
Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:29 pm
Everyone Loves a Clown
Most people know who I am. That is to say, most people know what I do. This makes it difficult for me to get near others, and so it makes it difficult to get the goods. Enter my good friend the disguise kit. But as great as the disguise kit is, it can be downright boring. I have to look for a name that doesn't sound like an NPC name. Then I throw on whatever clothing and armor I happen to have handy. (I usually just grab whatever the treasure hunters have left on the ground near the bank.) Occasionally, I try to pull off something special. Once, as many of you know, I was an orc named Erek (and later Elek). That was fun. This time I needed something different. This time I would be something heretofore unseen in the lands of Sosaria.
This time I was a clown.
Yes, a clown. I bought a full jester's suit. Dyed it as many different bright, standard colors as I could (red, purple, blue, yellow and green as I recall). And I set out, as I always do, in search of adventure. The following incidents over a period of two or three days and several days ago. I'll recollect the interesting ones the best I can and, most likely, out of order both in terms of marks and what happened when to the marks. But you should get a general flavor for the whole scam.
[NOTE: After writing this, I review all of my RPVs and screenshots from these incidents. For the most part, the things that happened were funnier than I recalled. You'll notice some differences between what I said happened and what did happen. So take a look!]
Elwood the Clown
After a few failed attempts at my clown routine (to be explained), I finally came perfected the move and found a cooperative mark: Satchy. I approach with the clown dance: I run circles around the mark, adding in lots of little spins. After a few seconds, I make my initial move. I dance right up to the mark and get in a snoop. I move only a few paces away to lower in hopes of lowering the mark's suspicion. Then I set in on him.
Elwood: I AM A CLOWN!
Satchy: ...
Elwood: Want to see a magic trick?
Satchy: Uh ok.
Elwood: OK! Count backward from 3!
Satchy: 3. 2...
At this point, I run in for the steal. I forget what I took from Satchy, but he wasn't happy.
Elwood: TA DA! I made your loot disappear!
Satchy: your not a clown your a twat.
Success! Alas, wise bards know that they are no match for even the most feeble of clowns. And wise Satchy is. He leaves the scene. I only get what I stole. But his wisdom leaves him after a few minutes. I bank my goods and notice the return of Satchy. I begin to start the routine again, but Satchy interjects.
Satchy: Vas Ort Flam
Every clown knows that means to get ready for fun. Unfortunately, fun was had only by me. Either through his lack of wrestling or some stroke of good luck, I manage to not miss a single blow. Satchy goes down after an extended chase.
Another victim of Elwood was a fellow by the name of Amiga. Amiga seemed amused by my clownish antics. Wary of the guards, I ask him to step away from the bank for fear of thieves. You can't be too careful after all! He complies. Oddly enough, we are followed by a thief. But since we are both on horses, we simply run very far from the bank. My routine commences.
Elwood: Would you like to see a magic trick?
Amiga: yes.
This one was a bit more complicated. Amiga didn't really have much loot. The best thing he had on him was a GM made katana. But, like any serious practitioner of buffoonery, I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it for the laughs. I'll have to be extra sneaky.
Elwood: OK! First, put on this bone chest.
Elwood: Next, put this fish steak in your backpack.
Elwood: Now hold this smith's hammer and count backwards from 3.
Amiga: ok but you better not steal from me. 3. 2...
At this point, I stole from him. He was not amused.
Later, on my way to the moongate, he assaults me with a surpassingly accurate short spear of force that hits suprisingly hard. The fight was rather tough, but I overcame. I sold the spear for 500 gold. (What a deal!)
After my clowning was done that day, Amiga made a second appearance. I was attempting to explain to a new player the various kinds of loot dropped by lichs. You know: gold, magic items, gems, scrolls and those very, very rare Ettin's Caps. He was not familiar with Ettin's Caps, so I explained it in some detail. Amiga attacked while repeatedly uttering the word 'turkey'. I managed to kill him without any major cessation in my explanation. (Check out my normal day at the bank RPV in the screenshot sections for this gem.)
Noe the Clown
Noe the clown had quite the adventure. My first mark was a pirate.
Noe: I AM A CLOWN. Would you like to see a magic trick?
Pirate: Sure.
Noe: Ok! Count backwards from 3.
Pirate: 3. 2..
I run in for the steal, coming up with a waterstained SOS.
Elwood: TA DA! (And in the bank the SOS goes.)
Pirate: Uh ok.
Elwood: Would you like to see it again?
Pirate: Uh I don't know what you did.
Elwood: Ah sir, it was very subtle. I made your SOS disappear!
He was a good sport. But I still sold his SOS for three thousand gold.
The final encounter I will relate to you was perhaps the most action filled of all of my clown-themed adventures. It involved zarqawi-funeral. I meet him up with him shortly after the pirate incident and ask if he would like to see a magic trick.
ZF: i guess.
Noe: OK! Count backwards from 3!
ZF: 3. 2....
I steal a nice short spear.
Noe: TA DA!
ZF: In Por Ylem
Those words always put a smile on my face. I hand him what I take to be a respectable and hard fought thrashing. He recalls just as his back up arrives...Disco Damnation. I hand him an equally respectable thrashing when ZF returns. I flee the scene. I later catch up with them near my shop and beg them to fight fair.
Noe: One at a time, ladies!
I manage to survive by using my patented anti-paralyze move and fleeing to the moongates a few times. No one died and I didn't get much loot, but I had a good time and was proud to have shown them such a nice magic trick.
There were other clowns--Jivin, Jin and Elmo--but this is long, so I'll just leave you with some RPVs and screenshots.
Most people know who I am. That is to say, most people know what I do. This makes it difficult for me to get near others, and so it makes it difficult to get the goods. Enter my good friend the disguise kit. But as great as the disguise kit is, it can be downright boring. I have to look for a name that doesn't sound like an NPC name. Then I throw on whatever clothing and armor I happen to have handy. (I usually just grab whatever the treasure hunters have left on the ground near the bank.) Occasionally, I try to pull off something special. Once, as many of you know, I was an orc named Erek (and later Elek). That was fun. This time I needed something different. This time I would be something heretofore unseen in the lands of Sosaria.
This time I was a clown.
Yes, a clown. I bought a full jester's suit. Dyed it as many different bright, standard colors as I could (red, purple, blue, yellow and green as I recall). And I set out, as I always do, in search of adventure. The following incidents over a period of two or three days and several days ago. I'll recollect the interesting ones the best I can and, most likely, out of order both in terms of marks and what happened when to the marks. But you should get a general flavor for the whole scam.
[NOTE: After writing this, I review all of my RPVs and screenshots from these incidents. For the most part, the things that happened were funnier than I recalled. You'll notice some differences between what I said happened and what did happen. So take a look!]
Elwood the Clown
After a few failed attempts at my clown routine (to be explained), I finally came perfected the move and found a cooperative mark: Satchy. I approach with the clown dance: I run circles around the mark, adding in lots of little spins. After a few seconds, I make my initial move. I dance right up to the mark and get in a snoop. I move only a few paces away to lower in hopes of lowering the mark's suspicion. Then I set in on him.
Elwood: I AM A CLOWN!
Satchy: ...
Elwood: Want to see a magic trick?
Satchy: Uh ok.
Elwood: OK! Count backward from 3!
Satchy: 3. 2...
At this point, I run in for the steal. I forget what I took from Satchy, but he wasn't happy.
Elwood: TA DA! I made your loot disappear!
Satchy: your not a clown your a twat.
Success! Alas, wise bards know that they are no match for even the most feeble of clowns. And wise Satchy is. He leaves the scene. I only get what I stole. But his wisdom leaves him after a few minutes. I bank my goods and notice the return of Satchy. I begin to start the routine again, but Satchy interjects.
Satchy: Vas Ort Flam
Every clown knows that means to get ready for fun. Unfortunately, fun was had only by me. Either through his lack of wrestling or some stroke of good luck, I manage to not miss a single blow. Satchy goes down after an extended chase.
Another victim of Elwood was a fellow by the name of Amiga. Amiga seemed amused by my clownish antics. Wary of the guards, I ask him to step away from the bank for fear of thieves. You can't be too careful after all! He complies. Oddly enough, we are followed by a thief. But since we are both on horses, we simply run very far from the bank. My routine commences.
Elwood: Would you like to see a magic trick?
Amiga: yes.
This one was a bit more complicated. Amiga didn't really have much loot. The best thing he had on him was a GM made katana. But, like any serious practitioner of buffoonery, I'm not in it for the money, I'm in it for the laughs. I'll have to be extra sneaky.
Elwood: OK! First, put on this bone chest.
Elwood: Next, put this fish steak in your backpack.
Elwood: Now hold this smith's hammer and count backwards from 3.
Amiga: ok but you better not steal from me. 3. 2...
At this point, I stole from him. He was not amused.
Later, on my way to the moongate, he assaults me with a surpassingly accurate short spear of force that hits suprisingly hard. The fight was rather tough, but I overcame. I sold the spear for 500 gold. (What a deal!)
After my clowning was done that day, Amiga made a second appearance. I was attempting to explain to a new player the various kinds of loot dropped by lichs. You know: gold, magic items, gems, scrolls and those very, very rare Ettin's Caps. He was not familiar with Ettin's Caps, so I explained it in some detail. Amiga attacked while repeatedly uttering the word 'turkey'. I managed to kill him without any major cessation in my explanation. (Check out my normal day at the bank RPV in the screenshot sections for this gem.)
Noe the Clown
Noe the clown had quite the adventure. My first mark was a pirate.
Noe: I AM A CLOWN. Would you like to see a magic trick?
Pirate: Sure.
Noe: Ok! Count backwards from 3.
Pirate: 3. 2..
I run in for the steal, coming up with a waterstained SOS.
Elwood: TA DA! (And in the bank the SOS goes.)
Pirate: Uh ok.
Elwood: Would you like to see it again?
Pirate: Uh I don't know what you did.
Elwood: Ah sir, it was very subtle. I made your SOS disappear!
He was a good sport. But I still sold his SOS for three thousand gold.
The final encounter I will relate to you was perhaps the most action filled of all of my clown-themed adventures. It involved zarqawi-funeral. I meet him up with him shortly after the pirate incident and ask if he would like to see a magic trick.
ZF: i guess.
Noe: OK! Count backwards from 3!
ZF: 3. 2....
I steal a nice short spear.
Noe: TA DA!
ZF: In Por Ylem
Those words always put a smile on my face. I hand him what I take to be a respectable and hard fought thrashing. He recalls just as his back up arrives...Disco Damnation. I hand him an equally respectable thrashing when ZF returns. I flee the scene. I later catch up with them near my shop and beg them to fight fair.
Noe: One at a time, ladies!
I manage to survive by using my patented anti-paralyze move and fleeing to the moongates a few times. No one died and I didn't get much loot, but I had a good time and was proud to have shown them such a nice magic trick.
There were other clowns--Jivin, Jin and Elmo--but this is long, so I'll just leave you with some RPVs and screenshots.
