Fables and Fortunes - by Young Byrhthelm

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SighelmofWyrmgard
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu May 20, 2010 5:34 pm

Fables and Fortunes - by Young Byrhthelm

Post by SighelmofWyrmgard »

Fables and Fortunes, an Honest Tale of Desperation and Shrewd Bargaining- by Young Byrhthelm



'Though I hath earned for mineself some small, heroic, renown, I am no strong Warrior nor Master Mage: simply a craftsman and pedlar. Nor am I any inspired singer or even story-teller, but I shalt tell thee all, now, how a simple children's fable didst serve to inspire me to ransom mine own life.

'Tis, and 'twas, my custom to place my Maker's Mark upon the harvest of my labours and then take to the road with them: I wouldst sell across the entirety of the realm, earning fair coin, and building both my reputation and my business; my swords, armour, bows and crossbows didst all fetch tidy sums. In each village or town, I wouldst also engage my talents in armory, farriery, tailoring and cobblery, as well as making tools and cabinets and sturdily-locked chests, and obscure mechanical trinkets, such as sextants and clocks.

I am no fool: I know the hazards of such travel but, as an expert Magician mounted 'pon a swift horse, threats that I couldst not overcome, I couldst flee; occasionally I didst also hire-myself out to traveller's seeking escort and protection for their long journeys.

This trip I was alone, wending my way north, and homeward, on the road from Trinsic when I suffered my misfortune.

Orcs are brutish and unsophisticated creatures, but canst not be called stupid, indeed they canst be rather clever, and I guess I hadst become too complacent. Certainly, when I saw a crude palisade blocking the road I knew something was amiss, and I was alert, but confidence must have outstripped wariness ...

Turning into the forest to skirt the barricade my horse sunk one of its forehooves into a cunningly-concealed hole, and threw me. Orcs, waiting in ambush, leaped from the underbrush and grappled me back to the ground before I could use any of my magic. Others attempted to seize my steed, but that gallant destrier expertly fled from them.

The Orcs began laughing malignantly and talking, in a very-excited fashion, in their own ugly language, and I didst expect to be slain. However, all they did was pluck and pull at my waistcoat, my shirt sleeves and the legs of my trousers; one was poking the toes and soles of my shoes.

"Ha ha ha," one of them gloated in my own tongue, "Money! Ha ha! How much you wurth? What they pay?"

"Money!" another exclaimed with glee: he hadst opened the pouch I wore at my waist and spilled a few gemstones onto his palm. "Yes, ha ha! Pretty Shinies!"

They dragged me away to their small camp, and tied me up. There were only five of them, but they had taken my reagents and my hands were bound, anyway. A strange thought didst occur: if they wanted ransom, mayhaps I couldst ransom myself ...

Calling to their leader, I told him that they all looked famished, and that I couldst help, so long as they wouldst not hurt me. He snarled at me, "We hungry, but you got no food! How you help, eh?"

"I am a magician and, with the proper ritual, I can conjure enough food for you all."

"Oh, ha ha, want regs. We not stupid."

"I need not my reagents, only the use of your cauldron, a particular one of those pretty stones, and the device in my backpack."

I explained to him that that particular gemstone was a special, magic, stone; I told him that the pieces in my pack couldst be assembled into a clock, a machine that tells one the exact time.

Using the magic gemstone in a special ritual, at precisely the right time, wouldst create a feast.

Skeptical, but ravenous, and superstitiously-curious, they permitted me to demonstrate ...

Whilst they gathered water and firewood for the cauldron, I assembled the clock. They were amazed when it started ticking, and looked a trifle anxious.

"Good, the water is starting to boil. Take from my reagents a single clove of garlic, please, and drop it in the pot ..."

"You want poison us? Maybe we kill you, cook you, forget ransom!"

"No, no! Garlic is for taste-good, only. I must sip during the ritual: I'm not going to poison myself!"

They mistrusted me but warily complied.

"It is good that we are starting right now: it is, indeed, the proper time for the rabbit-stew ritual, and I can drop the magic stone in now; quickly, please, snare and bring to me three rabbits!" Three rabbits were soon skinned, dressed, cut-up, and dropped into the cauldron.

Each time I sipped from the cauldron, I closed my eyes, serenely, and invoked Words of Power,

"Vas In Mani Ylem, Yum!"

I know this incantation is nonsense, but those Orcs didst not ...

After each sip, I looked at the clock, and asked the Orcs to bring me something, "Now is the proper time for the wild onions; let me tell you how you can find some, but please hurry", and so on ... As the stew cooked, they couldst smell its tantalizing aromas, and became more and more enthralled.

Eventually, my fascinated captors hadst obligingly fetched everything I didst ask for, and the stew was ready to eat.

"Huh, human," the leader looked at me suspiciously, "you eat first." Ah, still thinking of poison ... Of course I was happy to demonstrate that the stew was safe to eat, and consumed an entire bowl.

The Orcs dived at the cauldron as if they were starving, and crowed with glee, so pleased they were with the stew. Between desperate, noisy, slurps the leader asked, "Why funny words?"

"Those words are part of the ritual, and must be spoken exactly," I explained.

"You teach!" he demanded. Eventually, he mastered the precise pronunciation of, "Vas In Mani Ylem, Yum!"; I stressed the supreme importance of the syllable, "Yum!"

"Ha ha! Now we always eat, keep shinies, and ransom human for much money!"

"Ah," I frowned, bowing my head, gravely, "it's not so simple: the magic stone will only work if it is given freely, and only if something of great value is freely given in exchange."

The Orc looked around: he wanted the magic stone, and needed the clock for the ritual, and they all wanted to keep the rest of my gemstones. The only thing that might serve would be the money he hoped to collect from ransoming me ...

I thanked them, and wished them many a tasty feast as I strolled away from their camp. Once I was some distance, I began to run, searching in hopes of recovering my horse. Some hours later, I found him. I confirmed that most of my earnings remained in his saddle-bags, and that he was not lame, and mounted to carry-on with that leg of my journey. I didst stop-by a guardpost, and reported where a band of kidnapping Orcs couldst be found ...

I hath never been so glad of the fosterage I hadst received at Empath Abbey as on that day: as a child, I hadst been told, verily, the most-inspiring of tales!
SighelmofWyrmgard wrote:
uosa44 wrote:For sale, by original owner:
1 Human Brain, never been used, only slightly damaged, still in original packaging.
$1, obo
FTFY.

SS
uosa44 wrote:The inability for this person to respond in such a crazy manner proves my point.

Annabell Red
Posts: 157
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:26 pm

Re: Fables and Fortunes - by Young Byrhthelm

Post by Annabell Red »

Awesome!

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